Re-framing Mindset Around Complaints
Re-framing Mindset Around Complaints
while reading A Complaint-Free World by Will Bowen
If you haven’t already and would like to, you can read the series' first and second parts before continuing.
Reading the third part of the book, I was laughing and thought that as soon as I’d read this as part of the book club, I would want to read it again all the way through without the journaling. I’m more aware of what I’m saying and thinking. I’m trying to reframe my mind to be more positive to help reduce complaining. I love the author's writing style, and the experiences he shares are relatable.
“Silence affords us the opportunity to speak from our higher self rather than our human self.” (A Complaint Free World by Will Bown, pg 89)
I used to be uncomfortable in silence. However, I can’t read when there is noise around me. I couldn’t do other things like cleaning, cooking, or washing up, among other things, without some entertainment to consume. Every time there was silence, my mind went 100 miles to the dozen. I needed the noise to distract my thoughts. I think this is why I struggled to read during my twenties. I couldn’t focus on the words on the page.
By taking the time to listen and redirect my mind and thoughts by doing the work I needed to process and take action, I have been able to quieten down the noise so that I’m more comfortable in the silence. I believe it is in these moments that ideas, creativity and aligned thoughts can come through. I think this is the meaning of the quote where the speaking from our higher self is based. This is a reason why I want to be great at meditation. I want to be able to let my mind settle at any moment so that my higher self has the opportunity to speak.
I have noticed the phrases and energy around these that I have been saying recently. I’m very good at going ‘shit’ or ‘sounds about right’ when I’ve done something, or something has happened around me. These have had a negative tone to my voice. It doesn’t give off the right energy to what I’d like. I like when the author spoke about using the phrase ‘of course’ but in a positive context to something that is happening, that something working in line with what he needs. I feel this is something I need to start trying rather than going straight to the negative side of a phrase.
Another phrase he mentions is ‘this always happens to me’. Whenever I say it or think it, even when reading the words in the book, my mind goes straight to a negative way of saying it. I’d like to change it to a more positive way of saying it.
Changing my mindset will increase my positive energy and vibrations. In doing this, I hope to reduce the complaining I’m doing. But also, when I speak about something, I do it calmly and constructively to the correct person to deal with the issue. I have been known to take problems and challenges personally. Taking them on when, realistically, the majority of the time, there are other people's issues. I’ve been impacting my mental health by accepting wrongs or letting other people walk over me. I don’t want this to be a part of who I am.
As the author has stated, I will try to look beyond problems to see this resolved and only involve people who can help me. I don’t want to state my complaints or problems for all. I don’t want to decrease their energy or make them take on problems as their own when it isn’t necessary. Work is going to be a good test for this.
“Our thoughts about people determine how they will show up for us and how we will relate to them. Our words let the other person know our expectations of them and their behaviour. If the words are critical, then the behaviour will mirror the expectation represented by what we say.” - (A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen, pg 111)
Attention drives behaviour. I like how these three words round up this quote. How often have I complained about certain behaviours and expectations, yet nothing has changed? I’ve lost count. But we can’t change other people. Sometimes I forget this. Trying to gain control over little situations I have no right or even the possibility to have control over. I have to focus on my behaviours, actions, and sayings. If I’m only ever critical of others, how do I expect anything to be different?
I hope my change of mindset and reframing of complaining will help to change my attention towards others. If I’m positive, maybe they’ll start being more positive and respond accordingly.
With Love
Tami xx